How Can Someone Be Introverted if All Other Family Members Are Extroverted?

Growing up in a "loud" Caribbean family where extroversion was the norm, I was constantly misunderstood for being an introvert.

When I flip through an one-time photo anthology, I'm struck by the difference between me and the rest of the kids in my Caribbean family. I'k often huddled shut to my mom or dad while my sister and cousins are correct at home with other relatives and family friends.

Similarly, birthday parties were fun when it was someone else's plow to blow out the candles. I but wanted a piece of cake and the chance to wearable my favorite dress (ane with a leopard impress skirt).

As an introvert, it e'er took me longer to open up upwardly to anyone outside our immediate family. I was the so-called "shy one" who just needed time to "come out of my shell." I learned rapidly that extroversion was the norm in my family unit and that introversion was the exception.

Tropical Islands Hateful 'Colorful' Personalities

My family unit's deep roots in the Caribbean go dorsum several generations. The connection I have to my culture tends to exist more surface-level. I was born in Trinidad and lived in that location with my mom, dad, grandma, and sis until the age of vii.

Like other tropical locales, Trinidad is no stranger to stereotypes people have about what it's like to live in the Caribbean area. Yes, I lived on an island. But, no, the beach wasn't right outside our doorstep. (In fact, I never even learned how to swim.)

Film and television commercials often depict the Caribbean as the home of bustling marketplaces and white sandy beaches — y'all can almost smell the flowers and produce.

But information technology's hard being an introvert when your personality doesn't lucifer your surroundings. People look y'all to be as loud and vibrant equally the food, music, and fashion of your birthplace — yet they also desire you to exemplify the laid-back lifestyle of an spread-out resort.

No thing what kind of cultural background you come from, perhaps you can relate?

Introversion and Shyness Are Non the Same Thing

"She's merely shy. Once she gets to know you lot, she'll talk your ear off."

This is what my mom would always tell family unit members who were baffled by my credible shyness. There is some truth to this caption. But "shy" doesn't quite depict my personality. Although some people are shy introverts, you lot can be shy — reserved or timid around others — without being an introvert — someone who gets tuckered past the outer globe and recharged by their inner world.

I didn't even discover that I was an introvert until I was studying psychology.

Like other introverts, I am more in tune with my inner mind rather than the outside world. I prefer lonely activities over crowded gatherings. I prefer to be lonely, only am not affected by overwhelming loneliness. I practice enjoy engaging with people, but adopt to exercise and so in one-on-1 situations and relaxed environments. The operative word here is "adopt."

In My Extroverted Family unit, You Had to Blend in by Standing Out

My mom is the youngest of seven girls, and my dad is the youngest of 5 boys and 2 girls. Biological science and marriage aren't a requirement for being part of our family. In add-on to the regular roster of aunts, uncles, and cousins, there is an array of kinfolk whom we were always expected to refer to equally "Auntie" and "Uncle" as a sign of deference and respect.

With extra aunties and uncles, that as well meant more children and babies in tow. All of which combined to create a nightmarish scene for someone like me, who enjoys neither the company of gregarious adults nor their equally terrifying children. You lot run into, the girls in our family were expected to be on paw for entertaining and looking afterward younger children. The women were always on their feet, cooking, serving food, and only sitting down once they took care of anybody else.

At family gatherings, relatives made their presence known with loud voices and outgoing personalities. They would tease each other, tell stories, and play cards amid raucous laughter. While my family expected children to be well-behaved and respectful of others, it was necessary to enhance your voice just to be heard. The virtually precocious of my cousins would even come prepared with a song or trip the light fantastic toe to perform for everyone.

This cacophony besides had to compete with the sounds of soca (brusque for "(And then)ul of (Ca)lypso") and reggae frequently playing in the background. I remember my ears ringing as dinnertime conversations spilled over into the night.

During these gatherings, I managed to avoid socializing with family by offering to dress the salad or set the table. I would drag these chores out as long every bit possible just to go some lone time. If nosotros were having a BBQ, I would utilize any excuse to go inside, especially when everyone else was fawning over cute babies. My family would laugh and remark that I was "such a homebody."

A 2-hour dinner at my aunt's house was actually more than like five or six hours between arriving early to help with cooking and staying after for clean-up and what Trinidadians telephone call "liming" (i.e. hanging out). We would get together for Sunday dinners and special occasions a lot, like birthdays and Christmases.

The reprieve would come when the adults gave united states of america the betoken that nosotros could go into another room to read or picket TV. I craved the solace of being able to draw and pigment and play with my dogs (and not invent more chores to practise).

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For 'Quiet' Personalities, There's No Escaping Criticism

Unfortunately, family members may meet us introverts as like shooting fish in a barrel targets, since being tranquillity and reserved tends to attract negative attending. And for some, the solution for drawing out an introvert is peppering them with intrusive comments and questions.

"Your hairline is receding, isn't it?" my aunt would proclaim every fourth dimension I saw her. After, when this same hairline-obsessed aunt asked me almost my summer plans, I told her I was volunteering in a psychology lab to set up for grad school. Before I was even out of earshot, I could hear her telling my mom and aunts, "Why is she going to grad schoolhouse? She'll exercise anything to avoid getting a chore."

This same year, one of my uncles passed abroad and everyone came into town for the funeral. When my sister arrived, my aunt rushed over to requite her a large hug. With her arms effectually my sis's shoulders, my aunt announced to a room full of relatives "at present this is the pretty ane." The subtext being that I'm the ugly one. I could accept taken condolement in having a good personality, but they didn't like my personality either.

And much to my distress, the shaming and criticism didn't skip a generation. A cousin on my mom's side emailed anybody to brand fun of me for struggling with feet and low, 2 conditions that many introverts feel to some caste. Her unprovoked assail on my mental health made family gatherings even more dreadful.

There's Zero Wrong With Being an Introvert

In improver to the comfort I get from my dogs, I experience a sense of kinship with the handful of introverts in our family who are also labeled "shy" or "homebodies." We gravitate toward one another and are able to weather family unit gatherings by going deeper than lilliputian gossip and small talk.

Withal, I realize that existence extroverted is however a prized virtue. My Caribbean area family is who they are and the loudest and about intrusive amidst them aren't going to change to suit my needs. I don't conform to their vision of what a Trinidadian is like. Possibly they see my quietness every bit a rejection of their vibrant culture and way of life.

Some family unit members accept described me as being "withdrawn," and attributed my behavior to the sudden passing of my male parent when I was a child. I've never been able to successfully explain to them that I'm just an introvert who needs alone time to recharge; it'due south equally though "introvert" isn't in their vocabulary.

But I've learned to look past the stereotypes that make the Caribbean seem more similar a monolith than the multi-faceted and pluralistic culture that it is. I wait for the nuances in the colorful marketplaces — like the Central and Tunapuna markets — and what lies behind the scenes of this effortless lifestyle.

When I really terminate and remember well-nigh it, I do in fact embody the core values of my family and culture in a way that'south easy to miss. Among these values are being respectful of i's elders, working difficult, caring for others, and virtually of all, aspiring for the next generation to reach greater heights than the last.

It's because of my introversion that I heed more than than I speak, persevere more than I seek elementary answers, value meaningful relationships over superficial ones, and conduct the aspirations of my family with each hard-won success. Hopefully, one 24-hour interval, they will encounter my introversion every bit the source of these positive and much-needed characteristics rather than a deficit that needs correcting.

You might like:

• How to Live With Extroverted Parents When You're an Introvert — and They Don't Get It
• How Do I Deal With My New Husband's Extroverted Family?
• 7 Distinct Advantages Introverts Have Over Extroverts

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